if i were a caterpillar i would probably emerge from my cocoon as another slightly fatter caterpillar
Wow I can’t believe I just hit 4000 followers! Hundreds are injured. My fists are sore and the police are coming.
Me as a doctor: This patient is down with the sickness
The only thing preventing me from smashing my alarm clock at 6am is the fact that it’s my cellphone.
if lucifer needs someones consent to enter their body then so do you
you son of a mumford
my mom just said “watch this” then ran a red light and said “i just don’t care”
how do people rap i cant even talk without messing it up
i want kids but im scared they’ll blame me if theyre ugly
someone somewhere is meeting the love of their life right now and that’s pretty cool
I thought Pitbull’s first name was “Featuring”.
if you can hear anything over your music it’s not loud enough
*deletes all ur captions before reblogging post*
i want to get so good at giving sly digs that you dont even realize i insulted you until like a week later when you randomly start crying while eating breakfast