kawaiians:

if i were a caterpillar i would probably emerge from my cocoon as another slightly fatter caterpillar

lanturd:

Wow I can’t believe I just hit 4000 followers! Hundreds are injured. My fists are sore and the police are coming.

baracknobama:

baracknobama:

i lost my glasses today

i cant see how this could have happened

unclefather:

Me as a doctor: This patient is down with the sickness

unbrokenable:

The only thing preventing me from smashing my alarm clock at 6am is the fact that it’s my cellphone.

lastgreattimewhore:

if lucifer needs someones consent to enter their body then so do you

monsterkin:

you son of a mumford

spoopykatee:

my mom just said “watch this” then ran a red light and said “i just don’t care”

lrnaonerd:

how do people rap i cant even talk without messing it up

suspend:

i want kids but im scared they’ll blame me if theyre ugly

unsmokable:

someone somewhere is meeting the love of their life right now and that’s pretty cool

greydelisle:

I thought Pitbull’s first name was “Featuring”.

stability:

if you can hear anything over your music it’s not loud enough

buthed:

*deletes all ur captions before reblogging post*

hooddoggy:

i want to get so good at giving sly digs that you dont even realize i insulted you until like a week later when you randomly start crying while eating breakfast